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| My kind of leader. Tommy Gun, check. Huge cigar, check. Pimped out pin stripe suit complete with bowtie, check. Funny looking yet awesome hat that probably has a huge knife in it somewhere, double check. |
That's the kind of importance we put on shit that doesn't matter two fucking shits in the grand scheme of things. Churchill loved booze and still rallied the British Empire to withstand the Nazi barrage during the Battle of Britain and totally flash Nazi Germany their wieners a la William Wallace and the Scots in Braveheart. Hitler on the other hand proved himself to be a slack-jawed faggot and kill himself at the end of WWII. Fucking quitter.
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| Take that Hitler. |
Before Churchill became Supreme Commander of all things British he graduated from the Royal Military Academy where he was the school's fencing champion and a star polo player. Not too bad since those were the days when the recommended means of killing a foe were either cutting his shit to pieces with something sharp and/or pointy or trampling him under foot while Iron Maiden's The Trooper played in the background. After graduating he was a 2nd Lieutenant in the 4th Queens Own Hussars. This was a calvary regiment that was ordered to ride around and hoof stomp any motherfucker that thought it a good idea to fuck with the crown. In his mean time he worked as a war correspondent. In those days they weren't lame-dick douches with microphones and flak jackets that won Emmy's just for being there. No, these guys went out, slaughtered some fucks with their bare hands, went back to their tent, wrote about it, and then sent it back home to get printed the next day. These guys were balls-deep in the shit.
During WWI it was speculated that he went to the front lines just so that he could drink booze. A close friend said, “Hard liquor was prohibited at Battalion HQ… and only sweet tea provided, a beverage by no means to Winston’s taste.” After a few years of bombing and running through ten enemy combatants with funny hats at a time he went into politics. At this time the PM of GB was Neville Chamberlain. In case you don't know, this was the guy who sold appeasment to the rest of Europe. This was the guy that let the Nazis fist fuck Europe like it was some used-goods donkey-show hooker. In other words the guy was a no balls pussy.
Churchill was not all about that and he set about setting shit straight. He gave the British people pump up speeches that would put anything in Varsity Blues, Friday Night Lights, Little Giants, and Rudy to shame. He wanted to see the Reichstag burned to the ground. He wanted to personally steel-toe-boot kick Hitler in his balls in front of Eva Braun. Then he would ravage her while Hitler watched sobbing in the corner, then call in an air strike and run like a mad man just in front of the bombing raid on Berlin, leaping at just the right moment into the Rhine and avoiding the flames. That's a little extreme, but I wouldn't put it past him. Motherfucker was not one to fuck with. Anyways, druing his Prime Ministorship (?) he loved cigars, brandy, champagne, and telling the truth. One brief, yet entirely famous, encounter:
Lady Astor: "You, Mr. Churchill, are drunk."
Churchill: "And you, Lady Astor, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning."
Double fucking swish for the big guy. If a dude who has killed a shit ton of people in the service of his country wants to get his drink on, let him. I've got no problem with that. Obviously this is a different time and it doesn't give anyone the right to be abusive to anybody, but let the dude unwind. His resolve to rid the world of fascism goes beyond this world. "If Hitler were to invade Hell, I should find occasion to make a favorable reference to the Devil." Bad-fucking-ass. He was definitely one dude I could take a few pointers from.
Sources:
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/winstonchurchill.html
http://www.explainthatstuff.com/winstonchurchill.html
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