Big Al's Is My Bitch

Saturday Lance came up and trained at West Allis Barbell with me.  He did a deload deadlift and I did a rep total body.  Nothing special.  After training we sauntered on down to a local diner called Big Al's Cafe.  Big Al's has this special/eating challenge called the Craaaaaaaazy Eight Special.  It consists of eight eggs, eight sausage links, eight pieces of bacon, eight pancakes, and eight pieces of toast.  I've had my eye on this challenge for a while now.  I've even been plotting my plan of attack so I knew exactly what to do when I dug in.  I will say that I was legit nervous going in though.  The only thing I really had to lose was my pride, but that is worth a lot to me.  To see it dashed before my eyes by a shitload of breakfast foods would be just too much for me to take. 

Here was my plan of attack:  I would power through all the proteins first then eat the starches last.  This way the starches wouldn't have time to expand and fill me up.  This is a very simplistic approach that would obviously need to be tweaked as things went on.  I was to be like Bruce Lee and be fluid.  Adjusting to cracks in stone like a rivulet of water.

Eggs were first.  They were scrambbies without salt or pepper.  I eat six eggs everyday so this was no big deal.  Took me maybe 7 minutes tops.

Next was the bacon and sausage.  To say I was surprised by the sausages would be an understatement.  These were not the Jimmy Dean sausage links that you can pick up at the grocery store.  These were a few grams of pork anus shy of being a brat.  Probably an inch in diameter and about 4-5 inches long.  I decided to eat half of the sausage and half the bacon until they were gone.  Four sausages, four bacon, two and two, then two rounds of one each.  After this I was ok but starting to feel the full.  My taste buds were burned out from the sausage and my palate did not want another drop of grease.

Next came the starches.  I went with the one to one approach.  I poured a bunch of syrup on my plate and started dipping my first pancake.  It went down without any problems.  Next came the toast.  The middle was soft and buttery but the crust was very chewy.  By the end of four of each I was extremely full.  Every time I put a bite of pancake in my mouth my body screamed, "Unless you want to see this guys brothers don't swallow."  My mouth was dry and my jaw hurt from all the chew, chew, chewing.

This is where my focus and mental toughness came into play.  If they had been covered in peanut butter it wouldn't have even been an issue.  But alas, there was no peanut butter.  Only my wits and focus.  I kept making deals with myself.  I'd say, "Just get through this pancake and piece of toast and you can quit."  Every time I got through it I made myself another deal and another and another.  Then it was down to the last pancake.  I cut into six pieces.  As I put each piece in my mouth I took a small sip of water to help with chewing and swallowing.  And then, after what seemed like an eternity, I swallowed the last piece. 

Apparently I was the first legit finisher of the challenge.  There was another guy that finished but it took him well past the hour time limit.  I finished in 58 minutes.  The waitresses had never seen such awesomeness and I doubt they ever will again.  For finishing the Craaaaaaaazy Eight challenge my food was free, I get two free meals, and my picture will go up on the Big Al's wall of fame.

When I got home all I could do was lay on my back and side in an effort to relieve some pressure.  I'm glad I did it, but will never do it again.  I also might not be able to eat pancakes and sausages for a while.  I just hope they haven't been totally ruined for me.

Not-Quite-Song-of-the-Day:

“So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being.” -Franz Kafka