Troy Dequaine's Guide To Manliness, Vol. 1

In no particular order this list is just a few rules to live by.  If we as men followed these and our heads more and our dicks less the world would be a much better place.  Ladies, some of these rules apply to you as well.  This list is by no means complete.  If you have any rules to add drop them in the comments but keep it as apolitcal as possible.

Knives > Scissors

The bigger the knife the better.  Always.

Making Something > Buying something (food included)

Using your hands and your brain to create feels so much better than swiping a credit card.

Women > Girls

Any man that’s dated a woman knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Reading > TV

Get engaged in what you are doing and learn something.

Pickup Trucks > Family Sedans

Trucks have been the vehicles of men forever.  Don’t turn your back on history.

Family Sedans > Minivans

If you’re thinking about getting a minivan just get a SUV and save yourself the embarrassment.

Whiskey > Beer

Whiskey was handed down to men from gods on high.  Drink accordingly.

Beer > Anything that is colored pink or has an umbrella

If your drink has an umbrella your ass had better be on vacation.

Lifting > Cardio

Picking heavy things up and putting them down is about as primal as it gets.

Cardio > Nothing

Being fat and strong is ok.  Lean and weak is passable, barely.  Being fat and weak is grounds for 

termination.  Train accordingly.

Being alive > Being a zombie (literally and figuratively)

“Life is a garden, dig it.” –Joe Dirt

Sacking Up > Being a little bitch (goes without saying)

Stop complaining.  Do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.

Being Muscular > Being effeminate (see above)

Despite what the media and most women say, women want a man that will protect them and their offspring.  It’s in their genes.

Dogs > Cats

Next person that says, “My cat thinks he’s a dog!” gets unfriended- from life.

Sports ≠ War

You’re playing a game, not going into battle. 

“Beast Mode” does not exist within the confines of the gym or of sport.

Neither does “hardcore”. 

Eating Meat > Being a Vegetarian

Why go against nature, evolution, and the fact that some animals practically jump onto your plate saying, “EAT ME!”?  It doesn’t make sense.

Bullet Points and Lists > Long-ass Dissertations

Case-in-point, this article.

Class > Swag

Having class can help open a lot of doors in life.  Your swag won’t pay your bills in ten years.

Confidence > Cockiness

Absolutely no one likes the loud-mouthed douchebag.  I shouldn’t even have to say it.

Mindful Play > Mindless Work

This goes back to being a zombie.  Every now and then act like a kid and play a sport or climb a tree or play tag with your kids.  The point is, “Those that do not move, do not notice their chains.” –Rosa Luxemburg

Don't Be Afraid Of Success

No, that isn’t a typo.  The fear of success is a very real thing and it’s probably something that just about everyone has experienced even if we didn’t realize it.  I’ve seen the fear of success manifest itself a number of times with my clients and it can be one of the biggest challenges to get over.

Why are people afraid of success?  Doesn’t everybody want to have what they want?  Yes and no.  

Psychologists have pinpointed a few reasons for a fear of success with the biggest reason being that feelings of excitement are very similar to feelings of anxiety.  The same rush of emotions that gets us excited to achieve our goals can quickly turn to feelings of anxiety over the possible failure of reaching those goals.  There is also the anxiety of how being successful will impact the life they are currently living. 

I've recognized a fear of success in a number of people I’ve worked with and with myself.  I’ve seen it as a manifestation of the following things:

-Fear of being recognized for accomplishments

-Feelings that they are undeserving of success

-Feelings that they don’t have what it takes to be successful

-Success is going to take them out of their comfort zone

The last one I feel is the biggest barrier to people being successful in their endeavors.  A lot of people want to lose extra weight.  Nobody wants to be the person who sticks out from the group and eats healthfuly when nobody else is.  Everybody wants to lose extra fat.  Only those that realize the amount of hard work and sacrifice that goes into it and are willing to do it and maintain it are going to be successful.

Everybody wants to earn extra money.  Not a lot of people want to take investment risks or get up early to work on projects.  Not a lot of people want to go back to school.  There are those that don’t want to put up with the hassles that extra money can bring.

What is it about this comfort zone that traps so many in cycles of failure or worse yet, not even trying?  To me a comfort zone includes two things; a routine and the people within that routine.

Most of us our creatures of habit; we get up, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed, and then do it all over again.  We do it day in, day out ad infinitum. The scenery never changes, the boat never rocks, and the faces all stay the same.  For some this is perfectly fine.  They enjoy the routine and the people therein.  They don’t have a care in the world.  But for those that want to change something for the better this routine can be a prison.

In a recent blog post Mark Sisson highlighted the phenomena of akrasia.  Akrasia is essentially acting against one’s better judgment.  We know we should eat more healthfully, we know we should go to bed at reasonable hour instead of mindless TV watching or internet surfing, we know we should go to the gym.  But yet we don’t.  We do all of the things we know are bad for us even though, to an outside observer, it would be just as easy to make the right choice instead.

This is where the people within our comfort zone come in.  Just about every success guru out there has a rule about the people you surround yourself with.  In a nutshell, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.  If you surround yourself with positive people who make choices that positively impact health and well-being chances are you will too.  If you surround yourself with negative, fast-food eating people more than likely you will be that too. 

The way the last two sentences were written makes it sound like it is a decision we all make.  It most certainly is but a lot of people didn’t choose those five people.  They are usually family, coworkers, or lifelong friends.  They are the people that most would never think of pushing out of their lives.  At least not family or friends. 

When it comes to the fear of success and the self-sabotaging effects of akrasia I believe these people are at the crux of it.  Deep down most people are loyal and would never think of telling close friends and family that they are bad for their health or success.  Most will keep those people in their lives and fight the uphill battle.

But there is one part that is even worse than that.  Most people trying to elicit a positive change after years of negative behaviors and habits have a will power that is about as strong as a house of cards.  All it takes is one or two comments from a loved one to bring it crashing down.  They don’t even have to be negative comments.  It could be something as simple as, “It’s my birthday and you aren’t going to have any cake or ice cream?  Come on, it’s my birthday.” 

It could also be something as bad as, “Oh, you’re trying to lose weight?  Why?  You think you’re better than us?  Come on man you’ve been fat your whole life.  Stop kidding yourself.”

Getting rid of this negativity is one of the hardest things any of us will ever have to do.  We can see how it could be good for us in the long term but can’t get past the shit storm it will cause in the short term.  Thankfully I’ve only had to do this once in my life.  There was a shit storm definitely, but it was well worth it.  The feeling of being free from the stress and negativity that the relationship was causing was one of the greatest I’ve ever felt. 

So what can we do to get over this fear of success and get out of the cycle of negativity that surrounds us?  Here are a few steps to take to help you along the way.

1.    

  Create a concrete, definitive goal.  Don’t say you want to lose weight or make more money.  These are loose goals and will not help you along the way.  Give yourself an exact amount of weight or body fat to lose or how much more money per month you realistically want to make.  Something that is measurable and will be able to tell you if you are successful in that goal or not.

2.      

Create a “why” for your goal.  The “why” is just as important as the goal itself.  The “why” gives your goal purpose.  It keeps your eyes on the big picture.  When we think of goals in terms of being there for our grandkids or providing a better life for our family it becomes easier to stick to those goals.

3.     

Do something every day to bring you closer to that goal.  Change requires action.  And big, positive change requires big, positive action.  But it doesn’t have to be big all at once.  Start small and let things snowball from there.  Trying to completely overhaul your life works for a few people, but for most of us it’s the small things we do every day that eventually add up to the big changes that are required for big goals.

4.      

Failure is not final.  Do not let it define you.  Everyone slips up.  That’s a fact of life.  Rich people started out bankrupt.  Fit people have moments of weakness and cheat on their diets.  You are no different.  Accept past failures for what they are, learn from those mistakes, put your head down and keep moving forward.

The Wisconsin state motto is “Forward” and it is very fitting here.  No matter what happens or what action must be taken just keep moving forward and don't let the haters bring you down.

It Pays To Be A Winner

The US Navy SEALs have two unofficial mottoes and both pertain to their training, BUD/s.  One is “The only easy day was yesterday” and the other is “It pays to be a winner.”  Most will get the first.  SEAL training is by far the most arduous of all the armed forces, even among elite units.  It’s 26 weeks of nonstop training with the infamous “Hell Week” coming in week 3.  Then they still have 23 weeks left. 

But not many know about the second motto which is said by the drill instructors during pretty much every evolution (training drill).  Some evolutions are done individually but most are done with your boat team.  As you can imagine, the people that make it into and through BUD/s are highly motivated and competitive.  The instructors use this to their advantage to create an atmosphere of winning.  If you or your boat team “wins” an evolution you are rewarded while everyone else is punished.  Usually this means you get to sit while everyone else has to do more training.

In the real world there are winners and losers.  In the SEAL world the losers are dead, end of story.  The instructors HAVE to create that personality in their recruits to always win no matter what.  Otherwise they won’t be coming home. 

Losing for most of us doesn’t carry that finality but shouldn’t be taken as lightly as it is.  You’re probably telling yourself that you don’t compete in anything so therefore you don’t lose.  Ha ha ha you’re chuckling to yourself.  To that I give you Teddy Roosevelt who would’ve been all upside yo’ head if he heard such a bullshit response.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. 

Before we go further let’s look what losing is.  Losing to me takes many forms and permeates every aspect of society.  It could be getting fired or getting passed up on a promotion.  Losing is getting a divorce or worse, catching a cheating spouse.  Losing is failing a test or class.  Losing is getting cut from a sports team.  Losing is going on welfare.  Losing is losing the state championship.  Losing is your business going under.  Losing is missing a weight.  Losing is not giving full effort in what you are doing,  Losing is taking a back seat in life while everybody else gets ahead.  Losing is doing nothing about your sad state of affairs.

What most people don’t get or refuse to see is that none of those things are final.  A Navy SEAL loses and he dies.  I’d sure-as-shit be hell bent on winning if that’s what losing meant.  A civilian loses and life goes on.  But we the normal people get stuck in a state of learned helplessness and think there is nothing we can do about it.  To some losing a job and going on welfare means staying unemployed and staying on the governments doles forever.  That right there is worse than the actual losing of the job in the first place.

There is nothing wrong with losing in the sense that we are talking about…as long as you keep trying to win.  Lost your job?  Get another one.  Wife left you for another man?  Let the pain heal and move on with your life.  Didn’t make the team?  Train harder than the competition and make it impossible for the coach to cut you the next year.  Losing doesn’t have to carry the weight of a car crash.  It’s not game over.  It’s a roadblock.  There is always a way around it.

Everybody loses.  We’ve all heard about Michael Jordan being cut from the basketball team in high school or how some of the richest people in America were once bankrupt and out on their ass.  Or how Edison tried a thousand different combinations before he finally got the incandescent light bulb to work.  His quote on the matter sums up a winner’s attitude to losing, “I did not fail 1000 times.  I merely found 1000 ways that will not work.”  (For all the history nerds I know he wasn’t the first to patent the light bulb.  The quote was merely to illustrate my point.  Nerds.)

Everybody falls.  But those that fall forward are the best for it.  Those that see the mistakes that were made and fix them are the ones who win.   

But enough of that loser talk.  Let’s talk about winning and what it can do for you.  Winning has a number of positive effects physiologically and psychologically.

When a person perceives themselves winning they experience a spike in testosterone production.  This spike in testosterone can lead to what is known as the “winner effect”.  This is where winning something, whether it’s getting a job, winning a game of Scrabble, or fending off territorial intruders, leads to subsequent wins.  In a word, it gives you self-confidence.

Many times this is all someone needs to get the snowball rolling.  You do something good and you have this surge of hormones that multiply the feeling and you want that feeling again.  So now you start busting ass to win each little battle that leads to victory in the big things in life.  The opposite is also true.

The “loser effect” is the exact same thing as the winner effect, just in the opposite direction.  You lose little battles consistently and you’ll have a mentality that things never go your way and the boss hates you and you’ve never been good at math so why even try and on and on for the rest of your life.  Screw that.

As much control as psychology can play a role in our actions and mentality it’s never final.  Now I’m not saying someone with clinical depression, PTSD, or bipolar disorder just needs to turn that frown upside down.  I’m saying that if you don’t have any severe mental issues but you feel like you’re at the bottom of the totem pole it’s usually you that is keeping you there.  Once you realize it is your own excuses and fears of failure that are preventing you from breaking free from your cycle of losing can you start to do something about it.

This post could go on forever about getting out of toxic relationships and environments and all the rest of the factors that play into the loser effect.  It comes down to the simple fact that if you are unhappy it is solely up to you to fix it.  If you are tired of the life you live stop making excuses and do something about it. 

Right now. 

Today. 

There is no tomorrow, there is no the-diet-starts-on-Monday, there is only today.  Start right now.

Maybe a few butts.  BIG ONES!  Winning.

I want you all to be winners.  Put yourself in positions to be successful.  Start with something small and let it grow from there.  And remember, failure is not the end; failing forward is a huge positive.  But you have to make it a positive.  Failing forward leads to big wins in the future.  Failing and then quitting is living death.  And living death is being a zombie.  And I have sworn to destroy the brain of any zombie I come across.

  

My work here is done.

True story.

Training Update and Some Thoughts

Monday

Bench: 245x3, 220x3x3

Chins: 30 reps

TRX Pushups: 100 reps

Wednesday

Hang Clean and Jerk: 220x1x5

Gun Show

Friday

Dead Lift: 506x1, 440x1x6

I actually did some snatches before the clean and jerks on Wednesday.  I’m very out of practice with them.  I felt strong but very slow.  It goes to show that you get good at what you train.  I haven’t done them in a while so I’m not all that great at them right now.  My technique was good, just not fast and explosive.

Pressing movements are slowly and steadily coming up.  It’s going to take a while.  These have been my slowest moving lifts.  For someone who can squat 500 and dead lift 600 my pressing numbers are pretty sad.  I know that to get better at them I would really need to dial back the lower body training and put more focus into the upper body.  Just not real sure I really want to do that.

I had a client hit a dead lift PR the other day.  She pulled 216 lbs.  It was the first time she’d ever dead lifted anything over 200.  It was one of those small victory moments that stay with you for a long time.  It’s the reason why I love what I do.  When I first started working at NX Level I had more of an interest in strength training.  It has since grown into a passion.  In the beginning I thought it was fun but didn’t really put much effort into the pursuit of knowledge it takes to really be successful.  I was more than happy to just read exercises off of a sheet of paper and be on my way.  Now I take my self-study seriously and am constantly trying new things on myself and those that I work with, always trying to achieve better results.  Needless to say I’m very thankful with where I am in my career.

This weekend Amy and I are hosting some friends of hers.  I’m going to be grilling up some BBQ bacon cheeseburgers where the bacon is chopped up and mixed in with the burger meat.  I’ve never tried them like this before.  To say I’m excited would be an understatement. 

When it comes to musical tastes around the gym Lance and I are on the outside of what most people like.  Most in the gym are good with radio rock, modern rap/hip hop, or Top 40.  None of those really interest me.  I’m into punk rock and metal.  For some reason this music, whether it’s the loud guitars, screaming vocals, or just general awesomeness, causes people to make snide comments.  “Are there even words?”  “Why are they so angry?”  And so on. 

It reminds me of a time when Amy and I were at her parent’s house.  They had country music on in the house, and if you don’t know that I despise most country music you don’t know much about me.  I’ve had just about everyone say to me, “Just listen to the lyrics.”  The lyrics?  It’s usually the contrived, hackney, shitty lyrics that I can’t stand.  Not to mention the hypocrisy of multi-millionaires who apparently “live country”.  But that’s beside the point.  Amy mentioned to her mom that I don’t like country music.  Without missing a beat her mom turns to me and asks, “You don’t like that heavy-metal crap do you?”  My reply was simply, “Mrs. Bachler, I tell people ‘I don’t like country music,’ not, ‘I don’t like that country music crap.’”  We all had a good laugh after that.  My point is that different folks are into different strokes.  It would be a pretty boring place if we all liked the same watered down, formula driven, non-offensive, sophomoric music that populates the airwaves these days.  Sick burn.

A huge congratulations to my great friend Eric Ficek.  About a year and a half ago Eric weighed 385 pounds and had done zero exercise since high school football.  His only attempt at losing weight came during his freshman year of college when he went on an oranges and Everclear diet.  It did not lead to long term success.  After Lance and I ran the Warrior Dash Eric started exercising again.  He got into powerlifting and started cleaning up his diet.  About six months ago he was down to 340 but was essentially on cruise control. 

He mentioned that he’d like to lose some weight to compete in the 275 pound powerlifting class.  I offered up my knowledge and began writing weekly diet plans for him.  His initial goal was to get to 265 so he could have lots of room for the 275 class.  I thought he would be more awesome at the 242 class.  Well, last week he sent me this picture.

240.4 never looked so good.

It takes a lot of hard work, dedication, and sacrifice to lose 20 pounds let alone 100.  The thing about Eric is that there really isn’t anything special about his weight loss.  He did a big chunk of it through the holidays and got a little lose with things.  He didn’t bemoan his lack of fortitude; he just got right back on the wagon.  No one has the iron will to resist every single temptation that comes their way in a six month time span.  As a coach I wouldn’t expect nor would I want a client to resist every temptation.  You need to live a little too.  The hard part is to keep them very sporadic.  I’m talking weeks apart, not days.  So if Eric can lose 100 pounds and do a 180 on his physical status think about what you could do.

And now a little plug; if anyone is interested in online coaching send me an email at tdequaine@hotmail.com or just drop a line in the comments.  Whatever your goals are whether they are training or diet related there’s a good chance I can help you out.  But keep in mind, it isn’t free.

I went sans belt on all the dead lifts today.  All of them felt really good.  I even pulled one of the 440s with a double overhand grip (the hardest grip).  Without the belt I really feel the stress through my abdominal wall and obliques.  I think I’m going to keep the belt off for dead lifts for a while.  Hopefully when I put the belt back on my back and abs will be a lot stronger.

I don’t have anything against training with a belt.  I think younger lifters, and especially athletes, should try to go as far as possible without one though.  You could debate the topic of whether or not it’s cheating or safe for the other muscles and joints doing the work until you are blue in the face.  But the fact remains that you can lift more with it than without it. 

I couldn’t tell you the last time I went to a movie in a theater.  Wait, yes I can.  It was Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.  But the time before that was Due Date.  That came out well over a year ago.  I even have trouble sitting down at home to watch one.  I’d rather read or write or cuddle fight with Saxon.  Also, I might be getting AD- HEY A SQUIRELL!

I hope everyone has a great weekend and thanks for reading!

Training Update and Random Thoughts

Monday

Fat Bar Clean and Press: 154x5

Fat Bar Clean and Push Press: 184x5, 154x5x4

Wednesday

Med Ball Throws

Jumps

Trap Bar Speed Dead Lift: 275 x 8 sets of 3

Gun Show

Complex:

RDLx6, BTN Push Pressx6, Squat Jumpx6

Friday

Squat: 405x5, 365x5, 325x5x2

RDL: 308x5x3

Prowler

There wasn’t a training update last week due to the short week and me being in Wausau, which was awesome.  The Circle of Friends Winter Trips are always a great time.  The kids have a blast and I get to see some of the friends that I’ve made over the past four years of being in the program.  This year I’m going to step up my game and do my own little fundraiser for the trips.  What I’m planning on doing is a 500 pound Dead Lift Challenge.  I’m going to give myself 30 minutes to do as many dead lifts with 500 pounds as possible.  What I’m asking you dear reader is to get on board to donate $1 per successful lift.  I’m thinking about doing it in early June.  

The Dirty Birds

Knowing myself I’m probably going to be good for about 20 reps.  So if you commit yourself to donating no more than $30 dollars then you’ll be helping out a great cause.  I’ll be posting more info once I get the details smoothed out.  If you are interested you can email me at tdequaine@hotmail.com.  DO NOT make me guilt trip the hell out of you guys.  Because I’ll do it.

Squats felt awesome today.  405 felt the lightest it has in a long time.  I really think the med ball throws, jumps, and sprints are helping my strength out of the bottom.  I think I could have probably gone 425-445 for five today.  I gave it serious consideration but decided against it.  Got to think big picture.

I heard Marshall Tucker Band’s Can’t You See the other day on the radio. 





I haven’t heard this song in a long time but has been one of my favorite songs of all time.  The melody of the electric and acoustic guitars, the bass, the percussion, piano, and even the flute, along with the soulful, heartfelt lyrics make this an awesome southern blues rock staple.  It made me very sad for the state of the music industry today.  Very few bands are actually composed of good musicians.  There aren't any songs that have true meaning to the artist.  And because songs like this are now the most popular:

Sometimes I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Upping my calories has worked out pretty well so far.  I’m at about 195 right now with not a lot of fluff put back on.  I feel like I’ve filled out well and I think what could be considered fat is just a healthy layer of bloat.  Something that is essential to build muscle.  I hate to admit it but I think my hormone levels were a little depressed towards the end of the diet.  I've noticed I’m not as cold as I used to be, I get hungry even if I have eaten recently (metabolism is higher), and when I wake up in the morning my daily pee is a little more bent over than in the past couple weeks (fellas will know exactly what I'm talking about).  All good things.

I’m going to Texas Roadhouse tonight as part of my Valentine’s Day gift from my girlfriend, Amy.  It’s going to be tough to not look at the steak part of the menu and just say, “Yes.  I'll have that.  ALL OF IT IT!”  I loves me some steak.  And loaded sweet potatoes.  Aaaaand maybe a Shamrock Shake.

One thing I’ve been trying is having a “cheat” day on Saturday and then fasting Sunday with my first meal post cheat being my post workout meal on Monday.  I usually ate whatever I wanted and as much of it as I wanted until about 8 pm Saturday and then started the fast.  This worked ok but I felt like I didn’t have a lot of pop for the lift on Monday.  So I tried inserting a small meal with some protein and veggies right before I went to bed on Sunday night.  Last Sunday I had about 4 ounces of fish with a few cups of steamed broccoli.  No more than 250 calories but a huge difference to not eating.  This setup seemed to give me more energy for Monday’s lift without getting in the way of the benefits of the fast.

Speaking of fasting I’ve come across some interesting research on it.  I think I also saw Harper's has an article on the subject this month.  I’ll probably gather these up and put together another article on the research side of things.  There are some potentially awesome benefits to say the least.

NX Level has a few guys at the NFL Scouting Combine this weekend.  Wisconsin fullback Brady Ewing and cornerback Antonio Fenelus will be shopping their wares all over Indianapolis.  Both of them are great guys who have been busting their asses and both have legit shots at having great careers at the next level.  A couple other guys have pro days and other workout/tryouts coming up as well.  I’m wishing them all the best.

On Thursday night southern Wisconsin was supposed to get 1-3 inches of rain/snow mix and Chicago was going to get slammed.  Instead Chicago got rain and Wisconsin got 5 inches of snow.  Wish I could be extremely wrong when I give clients advice and still have a job.  Oh wait, Dr. Oz is still on TV spouting nonsense and misinformation every damn day?  Never mind.

Musings On the Consequences Of The Participation Trophy

The goal of each generation, it seems, has been to make life easier for the generation before it.  Great Grandpa did what he had to do during The Depression so his son could eat.  Grandpa went to war and came back to a manufacturing job so his son could go to college.  Dad works 10-12 hours a day and makes a lot of money so that we don’t have to work for anything and get to suspend adulthood and play video games all day.  Great.

Unfortunately the easier life is the softer we get.  I am of a mind that easier is not better.  Having zero hardships in life is worse than being presented obstacles and overcoming them.  I would rather solve a problem on my own than be given an answer.  I want to be self-reliant.  I want to stare down a gauntlet and know I have what it takes to come out the other side.

The attitude and mind set I’m trying to describe comes in many forms.  Learned helplessness, entitlement, non-resilience, you get the picture.  People are getting softer and softer.  People are getting dumber and dumber.  All you have to do is turn on MTV or VH1 or talk to the average high school student for a few minutes.  No one wants to work for anything.  Everyone wants to be given something for nothing.

If I were president I would make a few changes to how things are run.  I would get rid of political correctness.  Some people are smarter than others.  Some people are stronger than others.  Some people are willing to work harder than others.  People are not all alike.  Some people are better than others.  Some people are winners and some are losers. 

The Ultimate Warrior’s (yes, from the WWF days) attitude is that taking from those that “DO” and giving to those that “DON’T” is not “fair” and just teaches people to subsist off of others.  I tend to agree.

I would make participation trophies illegal.  And maybe this is the whole crux of the problem.    You want a trophy?  Go out and win something.  You don’t get anything for just showing up.  Showing up is a minimum requirement.  It is not something that should be rewarded.  Mark my words, “No child of mine will receive nor accept a participation trophy.”

I distinctly remember two trophies from my childhood.  One was for fourth place in the Pinewood Derby during my only year as a Boy Scout.  The other was a participation trophy everyone got at the end of flag football in fourth grade.  I remember being extremely proud of the Derby trophy.  I earned it.  And I’m pretty sure I gave the flag football one away.  It lost all value when the kid that picked his nose and didn't do an athletic thing all season got the same one.  I did not play a second year of flag football.  I’m not sure there has been a worse invention in the history of anything than the participation trophy. 

You know what's fun?  Winning.

The real world does not hand out trophies.  You don’t get anything because you paid your bills.  You don’t get anything because you graduated from college.  With grading on a curve running rampant these days you probably didn’t even deserve that.  There is a reason why graduation ceremonies are called “Commencement”.  It means beginning.  And for most it is only the beginning of their real education.

Some go on to the School of Hard Knocks and some get lucky.  That’s life. 

Coming out of college I thought I knew it all.  Then I spent some time around people who were a lot smarter, or at least knew more, than I and I realized pretty quickly that I didn’t know shit.  But I didn’t hold up my degree and say, “Wait a minute here.  I’ve got a degree so let me tell you a thing or two…”  No, I started doing my own research and self-study.  I wanted to be better than my degree so I took it upon myself to do so.  And here’s the thing about the smart people and the winners, they realize they don’t know everything.  They know there are people out there who know more than them.  But instead of resorting to jealousy and small-mindedness they seek them out and learn.  They don’t feel ENTITLED to anything, ESPECIALLY a job.

Socrates said, “I know one thing, that I know nothing.” 

This may sound cold-hearted but I think we should go back to the days of government provided shoes/clothing and cheese.  No more checks from the State to use for whatever you want.  You are given government food and clothing.  And knowing the government the shoes will be god-awful ugly and the cheese will fill your nutritional requirements but taste like shit.  That way those that are on the government rolls will have motivation to be off.  Sort of an Anti-Participation Trophy.

Yum.

And I’ve had very close friends collect unemployment for a long time.  But them’s the breaks.

Part of the problem is that people are unwilling to do jobs they feel are below them.  No one wants to work menial jobs that don’t utilize your skills and potential.  But when you’re sitting down to your fifth night in a row of Washington cheese and crackers what options do you have?  Life isn’t fair.  Einsteins and Mozarts probably die unrecognized and unfulfilled every single day.  To quote a wise man, “The world needs ditch diggers too.”

The world is a cold, cruel place.  I’m only 27 years old and I’ve already come to that realization.  I could disappear in an instant and not a thing would change.  The world would just continue going on without me like it has for the millions of years before I was around.  I am not a unique snowflake.  If I want something to happen I have to make it happen.  Whining won’t cure anything.  We have to be doers, not be-ers.

OK, rant over.  But in all seriousness there is definitely an attitude of entitlement in this country.  You can blame the schools or the government or the media or whatever but the real culprit is ourselves.  We’ve been told from day one how special we are, how smart we are, how we are going to change the world!  And we believed it.  We let ourselves sink into the trap of constant positive reinforcement that, when it stops, we don’t know how to deal with it.  We let other people solve our problems for us that when a situation arises that requires some grit and determination there is little to go around.  People quit jobs because they don’t get enough pats on the back from their superiors.  We need to grow-the-fuck-up.

It would be too easy to say it was our baby boomer parents that did this to us.  After all they were the ones doling out the positive reinforcement when we didn’t deserve it.  They were the ones that said everyone should get a trophy for being there. 

It would be easy to say that they got the concept of self-esteem backwards.  Telling kids that they are special and great and totally cool and then hoping they do good things and have a high self-esteem is putting the horse before the cart.  Kids need to do good things and then be told they did a good job.  For that a slight nod of the head and a firm handshake is plenty.

But blaming our parents or our own cushy upbringing would be exactly what everyone else would expect us to say.  Sure it was nice to be coddled when we were growing up but we’re adults now.  And adults behave like adults.  Adults solve their own problems.  Adults don’t expect anything to be given to them.  Adults work for and earn everything they have.

I dated a girl in college who came from a well-to-do family.  Let’s just say that with her situation she didn’t need to take out student loans.  Coming from a working class, blue-collar family I did need the student loans as well as summer manufacturing jobs to help pay my way.  One day she said, “I really feel bad for you. You have to pay for this stuff by yourself.”  Excuse me?  I didn’t know it at the time but I knew that there was something to be gained from having to earn your place at an institute of higher learning.  I knew the value of work and what it could help me do. 

Don’t take this as some diatribe that being blue-collar is some holier-than-thou way of life.  It doesn’t really matter where or what you come from.  What matters is your outlook on life and what kind of value you put into the work you do.  Sure, good things happen to lazy people and some people will never live a rough day in their life.  Assholes win the lottery every single day.  So-the-fuck-what?  You’re going to point to that and say, “Screw it!  I give up!”?  You still have to get up tomorrow morning so why not make the most of it and do something positive?

In all reality I could have boiled down the last 1500+ words into this: If you really want something then go out and earn it.  GO OUT AND WIN IT!  Where there is a will, there is a way.  Do something every day to make the you of today better than yesterday’s version.


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