Don't Be Afraid Of Success

No, that isn’t a typo.  The fear of success is a very real thing and it’s probably something that just about everyone has experienced even if we didn’t realize it.  I’ve seen the fear of success manifest itself a number of times with my clients and it can be one of the biggest challenges to get over.

Why are people afraid of success?  Doesn’t everybody want to have what they want?  Yes and no.  

Psychologists have pinpointed a few reasons for a fear of success with the biggest reason being that feelings of excitement are very similar to feelings of anxiety.  The same rush of emotions that gets us excited to achieve our goals can quickly turn to feelings of anxiety over the possible failure of reaching those goals.  There is also the anxiety of how being successful will impact the life they are currently living. 

I've recognized a fear of success in a number of people I’ve worked with and with myself.  I’ve seen it as a manifestation of the following things:

-Fear of being recognized for accomplishments

-Feelings that they are undeserving of success

-Feelings that they don’t have what it takes to be successful

-Success is going to take them out of their comfort zone

The last one I feel is the biggest barrier to people being successful in their endeavors.  A lot of people want to lose extra weight.  Nobody wants to be the person who sticks out from the group and eats healthfuly when nobody else is.  Everybody wants to lose extra fat.  Only those that realize the amount of hard work and sacrifice that goes into it and are willing to do it and maintain it are going to be successful.

Everybody wants to earn extra money.  Not a lot of people want to take investment risks or get up early to work on projects.  Not a lot of people want to go back to school.  There are those that don’t want to put up with the hassles that extra money can bring.

What is it about this comfort zone that traps so many in cycles of failure or worse yet, not even trying?  To me a comfort zone includes two things; a routine and the people within that routine.

Most of us our creatures of habit; we get up, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed, and then do it all over again.  We do it day in, day out ad infinitum. The scenery never changes, the boat never rocks, and the faces all stay the same.  For some this is perfectly fine.  They enjoy the routine and the people therein.  They don’t have a care in the world.  But for those that want to change something for the better this routine can be a prison.

In a recent blog post Mark Sisson highlighted the phenomena of akrasia.  Akrasia is essentially acting against one’s better judgment.  We know we should eat more healthfully, we know we should go to bed at reasonable hour instead of mindless TV watching or internet surfing, we know we should go to the gym.  But yet we don’t.  We do all of the things we know are bad for us even though, to an outside observer, it would be just as easy to make the right choice instead.

This is where the people within our comfort zone come in.  Just about every success guru out there has a rule about the people you surround yourself with.  In a nutshell, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.  If you surround yourself with positive people who make choices that positively impact health and well-being chances are you will too.  If you surround yourself with negative, fast-food eating people more than likely you will be that too. 

The way the last two sentences were written makes it sound like it is a decision we all make.  It most certainly is but a lot of people didn’t choose those five people.  They are usually family, coworkers, or lifelong friends.  They are the people that most would never think of pushing out of their lives.  At least not family or friends. 

When it comes to the fear of success and the self-sabotaging effects of akrasia I believe these people are at the crux of it.  Deep down most people are loyal and would never think of telling close friends and family that they are bad for their health or success.  Most will keep those people in their lives and fight the uphill battle.

But there is one part that is even worse than that.  Most people trying to elicit a positive change after years of negative behaviors and habits have a will power that is about as strong as a house of cards.  All it takes is one or two comments from a loved one to bring it crashing down.  They don’t even have to be negative comments.  It could be something as simple as, “It’s my birthday and you aren’t going to have any cake or ice cream?  Come on, it’s my birthday.” 

It could also be something as bad as, “Oh, you’re trying to lose weight?  Why?  You think you’re better than us?  Come on man you’ve been fat your whole life.  Stop kidding yourself.”

Getting rid of this negativity is one of the hardest things any of us will ever have to do.  We can see how it could be good for us in the long term but can’t get past the shit storm it will cause in the short term.  Thankfully I’ve only had to do this once in my life.  There was a shit storm definitely, but it was well worth it.  The feeling of being free from the stress and negativity that the relationship was causing was one of the greatest I’ve ever felt. 

So what can we do to get over this fear of success and get out of the cycle of negativity that surrounds us?  Here are a few steps to take to help you along the way.

1.    

  Create a concrete, definitive goal.  Don’t say you want to lose weight or make more money.  These are loose goals and will not help you along the way.  Give yourself an exact amount of weight or body fat to lose or how much more money per month you realistically want to make.  Something that is measurable and will be able to tell you if you are successful in that goal or not.

2.      

Create a “why” for your goal.  The “why” is just as important as the goal itself.  The “why” gives your goal purpose.  It keeps your eyes on the big picture.  When we think of goals in terms of being there for our grandkids or providing a better life for our family it becomes easier to stick to those goals.

3.     

Do something every day to bring you closer to that goal.  Change requires action.  And big, positive change requires big, positive action.  But it doesn’t have to be big all at once.  Start small and let things snowball from there.  Trying to completely overhaul your life works for a few people, but for most of us it’s the small things we do every day that eventually add up to the big changes that are required for big goals.

4.      

Failure is not final.  Do not let it define you.  Everyone slips up.  That’s a fact of life.  Rich people started out bankrupt.  Fit people have moments of weakness and cheat on their diets.  You are no different.  Accept past failures for what they are, learn from those mistakes, put your head down and keep moving forward.

The Wisconsin state motto is “Forward” and it is very fitting here.  No matter what happens or what action must be taken just keep moving forward and don't let the haters bring you down.