Sunday, November 20, 2011

Who Wants A Ride?

Being that this is Movember wherein members grow moustaches and raise money to help fight prostate and other men's cancers, I think it is appropriate to bring to light some of the most famous moustaches in history and the great men behind them.  The moustache of late has taken on some negative connotations.  One kid at the gym said that I was close to having a "pedo-stache".  This is a moustache that gives the wearer the look of a pedophile.  To the best of my knowledge the kid has never encountered a true pedophile nor grown a single facial hair in his life so he can't be trusted as a knowledgeable authority on either subject.  Regardless, the moustache has been and will always be a symbol of manhood far and wide.  Here are some of the best.

Teddy Roosevelt
Teddy Roosevelt was hands down the most bad assed president ever.  He was a Harvard Boxing Champion in his early years.  He killed people as the leader of the Rough Riders.  He was a cattle rancher in the old days of the Wild West.  Killed all kinds of endangered species in Africa.  And he once started a speech with, “Ladies and gentle I don’t know if you realize this but I have just been shot.”  Yeah, he’d just been shot.

Arthur Saxon

One of the strongest men to ever have lived.  Still holds the record for the bent press and two-hands anyhow.  Don't know what those lifts are?  Google them.  Want to know how he died?  He was supporting a bridge that had cars on top of it.  The bridge failed and collapsed on top of him.  Pretty awesome way to go.

John L. Sullivan

When you invoke the image of a bare-knuckle boxer you think of John L. Sullivan.  He was one of the greatest pugilists of all time.  And boy did he like to drink.  He was the first American athlete to earn over a million dollars and died with $10 to his name.  Like a boss.

Tom Selleck

Since the 1980’s Webster’s Dictionary has had a picture of Tom Selleck a la Hawaii Five-O in place of the definition of the word moustache.  No words are needed.  Only Tom Selleck’s sweet sweet ‘stache.

Hulk Hogan

If you grew up in America in the 80’s you wanted to be just like Hulk Hogan.  I still remember being amazed when my first grade teacher Mrs. Hunt said that we all had the same muscles as Hulk Hogan, his were just bigger.  After the tank top had been ripped off and the bandanna lost all he had was his famous handlebar moustache to beat the likes of the Iron Sheik and Andre the Giant.  The only question that remains is, “What you gonna do when this sweet handle bar moustache runs wild on you brother!?”

There you have it.  Five awesome examples of manliness to motivate you to grow a sweet moustache.  If everyone does their part we can take back the moustache and cast off the negative connotations.  Will you do your part?

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