200 Pounds is 200 Pounds: Badass Flags In Honor of Flag Day

The Gadsen Flag

The Gadsen Flag was designed by and is named after Christopher Gadsen, an American general and statesman from the Revolutionary War days. Its roots can be traced back to Ben Franklin's satirical cartoons from the 1750's. It is also the motivation for the Metallica song Don't Tread On Me. Any time you are the impetus for a metal song you've done something right. Unless you're Hitler or something like that.

The only thing I don't like about the flag is that the Tea Party has adopted it as their symbol. I think the Tea Party would gain a little bit more traction in America if they didn't have complete nutjobs like Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann as the stars of the Party. Those bitches is crazy.

It's symbolism is obvious. The rattlesnake represents the original thirteen colonies which were populated with rattlesnakes. The legend, DONT TREAD ON ME, was a message to the British that we were not to be fucked with. The rattlesnake doesn't provoke attacks and even sends a warning when would be harm doers get too close. But once shit hits the fan that rattlesnake will fight like hell, never surrender, and die in the process if need be. Long story short, the rattlesnake won. America, bitches.

The Come and Take It Flag

Here's the lowdown. In 1831 some Mexican officials gave a small bronze cannon to the colony of San Antonio. It was then transported to Gonzales, Texas. When the Texas Revolution began in 1835 the same Mexican officials that gave Texas the cannon ordered them to give it back. The Texans then sent a message to the Mexican government with the same message that is emblazoned on the flag. Mexico got all huffy and tried to do just that. This resulted in a monumental fail the size of...well, Texas. The best part is that the Mexicans were driven back and defeated by the very cannon that they had given away. Stupid idiots.

The Bedford Flag

I'm not going to lie. I'm not really sure what is going on with this flag. According to some traditions it was the first battle flag to fly in the American Revolution. It was fashioned by the Bedford Minutemen and may have flown at Concord, Massachusetts when the first shots were fired. The motto, Vince Aut Morire, means Conquer or Die. That's pretty badass. There is also an armored hand with a sword coming out of a cloud of bubbles. Okay. And the fabric looks like it came off of some unfortunate couch that my grandparents might have owned at some point. Like ten pounds of badass stuffed onto a five pound flag. Either way, I like it.

The flag of Black Bart Roberts

This flag is a flag that is near and dear to my heart. I deemed it badass enough to have it tattooed on my left arm. This flag was flown by a pirate named Black Bart Roberts. He is widely regarded as the most successful pirate in history. Estimates say he captured over 470 vessels in his days as a pirate. He was such kick ass pirate that when he died in 1722 the Golden Age of Piracy came to an end. Like a true pirate he was buried at sea wrapped in his ships sail.

The flag shows him and a skeleton who represents Death holding an hourglass together. This was a message to any enemies that them meeting Death at the hands of Black Bart was only a matter of time. He also flew a flag of him standing on the skulls of a Barbadian and a Martinquian. Those guys must've really pissed him off. As you can tell from the picture Black Bart was a bit of a dandy. I always find that kind of bizarre. Here's a guy who makes his living killing and stealing and plundering and he's all about matching his ascot to his jacket? Whatever. His flag still rules.

The Betsy Ross Flag

Old Glory herself. This flag was commissioned by Big George Washington himself. He is the Father of America and he needed a blanket to wrap his new born in so he had Betsy Ross stitch a little something together. The stars represent all of the new formed states in a round table type setting. The vertical lines are the original thirteen colonies. Everyone knows that. A little fun fact about the current 50 star flag. It was designed in 1957 by a 17 year-old kid named Bob Heft for his history class. He got a B-minus. That's the best we can do? We should rearrange the stars into a big middle finger or something. Let everyone know what's up. We are America after all.